It’s almost time for Valentine’s Day 2014 which can be a triggering and hurtful date when you’re healing as the partner of a sex addict. Many of my clients share their struggles of resurging feelings of shame, betrayal, trauma, and grief when they reflect on the meaning of this particular day and what it means to them now.
Partners may also struggle with being true to their authentic self. What that means is they still are and/or have been a very loving, kind, thoughtful, even romantic woman that wishes to celebrate Valentine’s Day with their spouse. “But he hurt me”. “I’ve been betrayed by him”. “How can I even think of doing something loving when I don’t feel loved at all?”
So….what to do? Do you just hope the day goes by and no one notices? Do you use this as an opportunity to forgive and start over with a big celebration? Or something in between?
The answer is very personal. It comes down to who you are and who you want to be in your healing journey. Take a look at what you value most in life and see if you can align those values with what you might do as a thoughtful gesture for yourself or your partner. For example, if you value creativity you may want to create a personal, home made card. If you value honesty more at this moment, then it may serve you best to be honest with your spouse and explain that you’re not ready to celebrate this year and ask for a rain cheque.
For as long as you tie your actions into your values, you will feel peace about your decisions and behaviours.
At the very least, take this day and show the love you have for yourself!
Yours in healing,